


Partnership

by DRHPaints



Category: Bill Hader - Fandom, Paul (2011)
Genre: Angst, Cunnilingus, Dancing, Denial of Feelings, Dirty Talk, Drunken Advance, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Face-Sitting, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Love, Love Confessions, Love Poems, Mutual Pining, One Shot, Partnership, Smut, Unsolicited Advance/Kiss Without Asking, Vaginal Sex, alcohol use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:00:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28541448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DRHPaints/pseuds/DRHPaints
Summary: Agents Haggard and Mae Andersen both secretly pine after one another, but it isn't until Haggard finds a poem Mae wrote about him that the truth of their feelings comes to light.
Relationships: Agent Haggard/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 10





	Partnership

**Author's Note:**

> Requested by billhater. Hope you enjoy. Let me know what you think!
> 
> Note: As the character of Agent Haggard has no given first name, I have chosen 'Chris.'
> 
> Also, I realize a lot of dismissive language is used in regards to those who may or may not struggle with mental illness in this story re: recalling their alien encounters. I personally have severe and persistent mental illness and no offense is intended, just fyi.

Scoffing as he stormed across the brush-strewn hard scrabble which passed for a lawn, Haggard gritted his teeth, sharp jawline flickering in annoyance. “Seriously, when the fuck will they realize…” Haggard whipped open the driver’s side door, rounding on Mae, storm clouds gathering on the blue horizon of his eyes. “That if these nutjobs can see spaceships while they’re  _ inside the fucking house talking to the walls, _ then there’s no reason to send us out here?”

“Never, apparently.” Blood red lips smirking, Mae paused before getting in their black sedan, and with a mutual nod, the two of them held up a fist to each other, bopping their thumbs and sighing. 

At this point Mae couldn’t remember how they started the ritual. But, referencing  _ Men In Black, _ whenever she and Haggard were forced to endure yet another weirdo babbling about lights flashing in the sky, scraping the filth from yet another hovel off of their suits, they would turn to one another and hold up invisible neuralyzers, wishing to erase their memories as they tried to put the horrid interaction out of mind.

Inserting the key in the ignition, Haggard let his head fall back on the seat, eyes closed and exhaling audibly. Mae’s attention wandered to his razor’s edge cheekbones, his parted pink lips, before his lids fluttered open and she contented herself with the sight of his big hand enveloping the steering wheel in aggravation.

“Alright, Anderson. A’le’Inn? Milkshakes?” Haggard peeled away, cloud of orange dust fading behind them in an instant as his large oxford smashed the gas pedal. “I think we deserve it after today.”

Tucking back a strand of crimson coming loose from her intricate bun, Mae nodded. “That’s a big 10-4. Sounds good.”

Static crackled over the radio. “Andersen. Haggard. What is your location, over?” Mae reached for the receiver, but Haggard shot out first, prominent eyebrows dancing a teasing tango at her as he pressed the button.

“This is Haggard. Proceeding Westbound on 375 toward Alamo, over.” Haggard’s intense expression of concentration as he released his thumb was perhaps one of Mae’s favorite idiosyncrasies about her longtime partner. She suspected Haggard had no idea he did so, but each time listened to instruction coming over their speaker, he leaned his tall frame over the wheel, square chin ticking up and down, dark brows knit and lips pursed, as though the person on the other end of the line could see, Haggard intent on giving his full attention.

No matter how many assignments they received, how many calls came through, Mae smiled every time. “Roger that. Turn around. Back down the highway five miles or so, set up a roadblock, over.”

Haggard slid his cobalt eyes over to Mae, who tilted her face and mouthed  _ ‘what?’ _ Shaking his head in confusion, Haggard cleared his throat. “Um...alright, sir. Is...is there anything in particular we should be keeping an eye out for, or…?” Silence stretching, Haggard realized his mistake and punched the receiver again. “Over.”

“Any suspicious activity. Over and out.” 

Flabbergasted, Haggard hung up the radio and glanced to Mae as he swung a u-turn that left her clutching the door, not to mention her chest. But at this point Mae knew all too well that letting Haggard drive was better than being mocked for her grandma road skills ceaselessly from the passenger seat. “What the fuck kind of order is that?”

“No idea.” Mae shook her head as they barreled back down the highway. “Sounds sketchy though…”

Car parked and cones set, Haggard and Mae peered down the empty stretch of road, sighing. “So…” Haggard squinted, slowly lowering his sunglasses and launching into his dead-on impression of Hugo Weaving as Agent Smith. “ _ Miss Andersen…” _

Mae laughed. Every damn time. Unlike most mega nerds, Haggard didn’t even  _ like  _ ‘The Matrix,’ but the first time he tossed the voice to Mae, being silly and not thinking twice, she guffawed so hard lemonade came out of her nose. 

So Haggard didn’t particularly feel the need to tell her of his distaste for the film, wide mouth blossoming into a grin at the sight of her mirth as he tilted his head in appreciation. “You wanna play hide and seek?”

“What?” Arching an auburn brow, Mae looked him up and down. “You’re not serious?”

“Yeah.” Haggard shrugged his broad shoulders. “Why not?”

“Pfft.” Mae chuckled, shaking her head. “Because we’re fucking adults. And besides…” She glanced around the barren desert. “Where the hell are we going to hide? Behind the car? We’ll find each other immediately.”

As Haggard leaned in, tall frame looming and slow, sexy smirk spreading, Mae wondered if he knew precisely how persuasive this sort of behavior could be as her lungs forgot to function. “Aw...come on, Andersen…” Nudging her with an elbow, Haggard's lips did The Thing.  _ Long tongue lick. Fold away the grin. Pucker like he doesn’t know he’s beautiful. Fuck…  _ “It’ll be fun. Why not?”

“Okay.” Voice unsteady, Mae nodded. “Sure, um...you wanna go first?”

“Yeah!” Way too excited considering they were two supposed professionals about to engage in literal child’s play, Haggard spun on his heel before pointing back at Mae. “No peeking! Count to 50!”

Chuckling, Mae placed her hands over her eyes in resignation. “One, two, three…” 

Mae heard the rustling of Haggard’s lengthy strides over the dust. A muttered  _ ‘Ah fuck!’ _ as she presumed he either tripped on something or stabbed himself on a cactus before she reached, “Fifty! Ready or not, here I come!” Mae double checked to see no vehicles were approaching before she stepped off the asphalt, figuring they should do some semblance of work, and scanning the horizon. 

Of all Haggard’s ideas, this may have been the most foolish yet. Footsteps clear and only three, maybe four places his broad frame could’ve fit behind anyway, Mae smugly sauntered up to a three pronged cactus and cleared her throat. “I know you’re back there, dumbass.”

Haggard danced his way out from behind the giant succulent, beaming with joy at his discovery and Mae cackled with such intensity she collapsed, nearly pricking herself on a quill when he launched into the robot. “Hags, you are incorrigible.”

“Yup.” Holding out a big hand, Haggard hauled Mae to her feet, wrist twitching toward her to dust off her jacket before he thought better and retracted. “Sure am.”

SUV glinting in the distance, the two of them moseyed back to the roadblock. As it turned out the Jeep bore nothing more than a family on their way back to California, which neither of them figured met the standard of ‘suspicious activity,’ though they couldn’t hazard a guess as to what might.

Night descended, a car here, a van there, and the desert came alive, scuttlings in the darkness Mae preferred not to imagine, resenting her instinct to lean into Haggard for comfort.

“Fuck, no matter how long I live in this hell hole.” Mae scrubbed her palms rapidly down her arms. “I forget how cold it gets at night.”

Examining Mae’s crumpled, shivering form, Haggard shrugged off his jacket. “Here.” Haggard placed the garment around Mae’s shoulders, stepping back when he let his fingers linger overlong. “There you go, Andersen.”

“Oh, Haggard, that’s…” Mae fingered his black lapel, swallowing. “You didn’t have to do that…”

“Oh I don’t mind.” Shoving his chilled hands in his pockets to disguise the lie and wishing he thought to wear long sleeves instead, Haggard smiled. “I run hot. It’s fine.”

Hair and eyes black in the moonlight, Haggard’s pale skin glowed, chiseled features ethereally crisp, and Mae sighed.  _ He sure does… _

A huge winnebago lurched towards them and Mae passed Haggard his coat, the two assuming their professional demeanor as they flagged the driver down. Surprised when they found a couple of British dudes, Mae searched their cramped mobile home while Haggard handled the questioning, stifling a giggle when she heard him ask, “Do you know Benny Hill?”

“Hey, I found something, maybe.” Mae stepped back outside and held up what looked like a comic book.

“Let me see this.” Bearing a title reading ‘Jelva: Alien Queen of the Valley’ and a triple-breasted green beauty on the cover, Haggard knit his expressive brows. “What is this, nerd porn?”

“No, that’s Clive’s--

The smaller man started to explain, but the other cut him off, gesturing to himself. “It’s my novel.”

“Huh.” Haggard grinned in amusement. “Three tits. That’s awesome.”

Retrieving the graphic novel, Mae flipped through the first few pages. “Do you think this is it?”

“Doubtful.” Shining his flashlight inside the camper, Haggard pursed his pink lips. “What else did you find in there?”

“Just some pissy jeans…” Distracted by the text and images before her, Mae didn’t register the flustered British explanations. “Hey, so, is this thing…” Skipping to the end, she raised a scarlet eyebrow. “Erotic?”

Corners of his mouth downturned, Clive teetered his head. “Some of the themes are...sexual.”

“Hmm…” Gleaning enough to see solid writing and interesting art, Mae held the novel aloft. “Is this your only copy, then? Or can I buy one?”

Haggard eyed Mae curiously, hiding his smirk as Clive nodded. “Oh! Yeah, I have a dozen or so. Hang on.” Retrieving one from the interior, he returned and Mae unearthed her wallet, passing him a bill with thanks.

“Okay. You guys can go.” Nodding, Haggard took a step back and the men expressed effusive gratitude as they entered the winnebago.

Clive turned before stepping inside. “May I ask what you’re searching for?”

Haggard hesitated for a moment, mouth open. “No.”

The Brits scurried inside, closing the door. Facing Mae, Haggard’s vast shoulders dropped and he smiled in relief. “How was that? Was that okay?”

Mae grinned, indulging herself in a squeeze of his arm. “Yes, Hags. Wonderful. They were petrified.” No matter how many times they went through the rigamarole, Haggard doubted his ability to project authority and Mae never understood why. Particularly since a couple of months ago when yet another madman wouldn’t stop bleating about little green men as they squirmed on his disgusting furniture, Haggard snapped. 

Shouting static into his nasal voice, Haggard terrored over the guy with such ferality he literally wet himself, adding to the numerous stains on his ratty couch. A boiling Haggard hauled Mae to her feet that day, dragging her back to the car in his rage and hurry to evacuate the situation. And as she deposited herself in the passenger seat, the grinding of teeth thunderous as a lightning storm of wrath flickered over Haggard’s sculpted jaw, the downpour between Mae’s thighs proved difficult to contain.

Returning to the roadblock as the RV puttered away, Mae leaned against the car door and opened the graphic novel. Haggard shook his head with a giggle. “I can’t believe you bought that thing.”

“Hey, what the hell else am I supposed to do to pass the time while we’re out here?” Mae moved on to the next page. “Plus...it’s actually pretty sexy.”

“How?” Crossing his arms incredulously, Haggard joined Mae alongside their vehicle, trying to peek over her shoulder, but she batted him away. “It’s alien fucking. How is that hot, Andersen?”

Mae turned to the next set of panels. “Well, it’s about this human explorer dude, right? And he encounters this alien queen--”

“With the three tits?” Haggard interjected, dark brow lifting curiously.

Chuckling, Mae nodded. “Yes. That’s her. And she kind of...well, she...she needs him to breed, you see, so…”

“Oh...yeah?” Swallowing, Haggard wanted to see the pictures, but didn’t think it wise to brush against Mae. “That’s...interesting. So, she’s...kind of...dominant then?”

“Oh yeah, for sure.” Absorbed in the unfolding tale, Mae didn’t notice Haggard squirming. “She has him pinned up against the wall right now. He wants her, but doesn’t know if them fucking is like, betraying humanity, or whatever. It’s spicy.”

Haggard cleared his throat, shifting his weight to his other foot. “Yeah, it...it sounds like it.” Biting his lip, his fingers tapped on his arm as Haggard tried not to get distracted by Mae’s hand wrapped around the thick handle of her flashlight. “You, um...you wanna read it to me, then? It’s...it’s boring just standing here next to you if we’re not talking...or whatever…”

Breath hitching, Mae’s green eyes touched Haggard’s for half a second in the darkness before she returned her attention to the page. “Oh...sure. Yeah, I can do that. Um, so…” Mae blinked and studied one of the panels. “So like I said, this earthling-his name is Nathan-is up against the wall, right, and um, so...so Jevra says…” Adjusting the beam of light over the comic, Mae licked her lips before continuing. “Terran, resistance is unwise. Though words of dissent come from your lips, my kind knows the contents of your mind. Do not think I am fooled. It is clear you desire me.”

Haggard thanked the hour for masking his blush as Mae proceeded. “And so this...in the next picture she...well, I guess she set him down and is kind of...well...she’s super fucking tall, right? So she’s just hanging over him and…”

“So he’s like face to face with her tits, then?” Blurting it out without thinking, Haggard smoothed over his tie, avoiding Mae’s glance.

“Yup…” Smirk playing over her lips, Mae nodded. “And so Nathan says, ‘I do. Want you. I just...I’m not sure how. Are we...compatible even?’ and then, um...then in the next panel she’s, well…” Heat flooded Mae’s cheeks as she sought appropriate phrasing. “She’s feeling him up and says, ‘Do not worry, Terran. I will instruct you. When we are finished, you will be proficient in my pleasure.’”

Cock twitching insistently beneath his slacks, Haggard puffed out his cheeks, sliding covertly down the car away from Mae. “Oh...that’s...yeah. Pretty hot…”

“Yeah…” Eyes glittering crystals of want in the moonlight, Mae fell upon Haggard’s handsome face, light wavering in her hand.

The roar of a far off engine cut the tether of their stare and Mae hastily tossed the novel into the passenger seat. “Oh. Someone’s coming.” Haggard tugged his jacket down, shaking the tension from his arms.  _ And it’s not going to be you. Not with her. So calm the fuck down, man. _

“Yeah...wait. Damn, they’re really crushing the speed limit. It’s only 50 here, what the hell?” Mae narrowed her eyes in an attempt to discern the approaching car, but couldn’t make it out in the distance.

Within a minute a vehicle matching their own screeched to a stop at the side of the road, a clean-cut man in a suit barging out and slamming the door. Marching purposefully, he whipped his ID badge in front of them before reiterating the contents. “Agent Zoil.”

“Oh...Hello, sir. I’m Agent Hagg--”

But Zoil cut him off, looking over his shoulder. “You have any traffic through here?”

“No, just a couple of hillbilly types and two nerds in an RV.” Haggard nodded to Mae and she mirrored him, trying to instill confidence before this stern stranger.

“Nerds, huh?” Zoil appeared barely invested.

Mae nodded, tipping her chin toward the highway. “Yes, they were coming from Comic-Con.”

Hardly allowing her to finish her sentence, Zoil didn’t seem to blink as often as the average human. “Did you search that vehicle?”

“Yes, sir.”

“What’d you find?” Noticing he addressed any questions to Haggard and disregarded her entirely, Mae fisted her hands, staying quiet.

“Uh, nothing much, just, uh…” With an exhalation of anxiety, Haggard couldn’t maintain Zoil’s piercing stare. “A book with a green woman with three...titties.”

Turning his face away, for the first instance since he emerged from the car, a flicker of humanity passed over Zoil’s face. “Three tits, that’s awesome.”

“Oh and some, uh, some pissy jeans. Guy pissed himself.” Haggard and Mae glanced at one another in agreement. “I don’t know if he had a preexisting problem--”

“Close that.” Note of steel entering his tone, Zoil pointing in Haggard’s face and eyed them both. “Listen to me, frick and fuck. I want everything you can remember about the pissy nerds, okay? Right now.”

Mae lifted a brow in confusion to Haggard “Okay…no problem, sir.” 

After a thorough debriefing, Zoil gave a curt nod. “Alright. I’ll take it from here.” 

Spinning on his heel, he strode back to his car and Mae called out after Zoil. “What about the roadblock, sir?”

“It didn’t work.” Zoil stated simply, offering neither explanation nor goodbye before he drove away.

Crestfallen, Haggard bent down to retrieve one of the orange cones. “Okay then…” Voice low and eyes downcast, he and Mae dismantled the roadblock before he slid into the driver’s seat. “You, um...you just wanna go to Gertie’s, then?”

“Sure.” Concern washed over Mae as Haggard blankly stared out of the windshield, chewing on his thumbnail as his fingers rattled over the steering wheel. “Hey…” Tone gentle, she placed a hand on the center console. “We didn’t know. There’s...Haggard, they didn’t tell us shit. We had nothing to go on. There’s no way we could’ve done anything else.”

“Yeah…” Sighing in resolve, Haggard let his arm fall to his lap. “I just...maybe there was something I missed.”

“Hey, no.” Mae squeezed his broad shoulder before sitting back. “You did everything you could. You were great. Really.” Peering back, Mae shook her head with a half smile. “Don’t listen to that asshole.”

Rolling to a stop in front of the peaked restaurant, Haggard grinned. “Thanks, Andersen. Now come on…” Haggard hopped out, smoothing over the severe part of his dark hair. “Let’s go. I’m hungry.”

Perched in one of the maroon booths, as Haggard wrapped his wide mouth around the second half of a meatball sub, Mae marveled, not for the first time, at how the man managed to stay so thin. “So…” Waiting to speak until he swallowed, Haggard tipped up his square chin. “What do you think those nerds were up to that has the brass all hot and bothered?”

“No idea.” Mae shook her head before biting into her philly cheesesteak. “But it must be something real if they’re sending in the big guns.”

“Yeah, that’s for sure. I don’t know though. They really didn’t seem--”

David Bowie’s  _ Life On Mars?  _ floated overhead and Haggard and Mae froze with their sandwiches halfway to their mouths. Neither looked directly at the other as they focused intensely on eating, wishing any sound other than that particular song filled the blooming silence.

***

Six months ago. A real lead. For once. Not only did the woman seem to be of sound mind as she described her experience, somehow she captured a photo, albeit a hazy one, of what looked to be a zooming, oblong ship against the backdrop of stars.

Pumped and relieved for an excuse to unwind after endless days of nothing, Mae and Haggard pulled into the A’Le’Inn for a celebratory drink. And then another. And then another…

As Pat brought them a round with a warm smile and a wink, David Bowie’s dulcet tones echoed over the speakers and Haggard giggled to himself, slumping back on the stool and overbalancing in his inebriation. “It’s a godawful small affair…” Catching himself on the counter, he wobbled, grinning as his flinty voice climbed over the lyrics. “To the girl with the mousy hair…”

“But her mummy is yelling ‘no’!” Singing much louder than she planned, Mae rested against the expanse of Haggard’s shoulder with a chuckle. “And her daddy has told her to go…”

Haggard stumbled to his feet, beckoning to Mae with a sizable hand. “But her friend is nowhere to be seen. Now she walks through her sunken dream…”

Slipping off her stool, Mae let Haggard shuffle them beside the pool table, draping her arms beside his neck. “To the seat with the clearest view, and she’s hooked to the silver screen.”

“But the film is a saddening bore.” Encircling Mae’s waist, Haggard swayed them back and forth, oblivious to the confused onlookers surrounding them in the restaurant. “For she’s lived it ten times or more!”

Smiling as Haggard’s left eye sagged and he balanced his forehead to hers, Mae tried not to step on either of his big shoes. “She could spit in the eyes of fools, as they ask her to focus on…”

“SAAAAIIILORS FIGHTING IN THE DANCE HALL!” Weaving across the parking lot arm in arm, Haggard’s voice cracked as he hopelessly clawed at the high note, Mae almost dragging him to the ground in her glee as they recounted the soundtrack to their first dance. “Oh man! Look at those cavemen go!”

“It’s the freakiest shoooowww!” A fit of giggles overcame him, Haggard doubling over and slapping his thick thigh, overbite ridiculous and weeping with mirth. “Oh...oh shit. We can’t fucking drive, Andersen…”

Scarlet hair half undone and head shaking, Mae smacked his chest harder than intended. “You got that right. We are two UFO’s…” Mae’s unfocused gaze narrowed in concentration. “Unsober...Federal Officers.”

Haggard snorted, fingers obscuring his face as the mountains of his shoulders quaked. Covering her eyes in embarrassment, Mae gasped when a second later her back met a car door.

Broad frame pressing. Hands in her hair, at her hip. Sloppy lips gracing the corner of her mouth with one needy syllable, “ _ Mae… _ ”

“Haggard, what…?” Shocked and caught off guard, Mae froze beneath his touch.

With a sharp inhale, Haggard jumped back as though burned by Mae’s pale flesh. “Fuck!” Cobalt eyes suddenly wide and sober, Haggard swallowed hard. “Fuck, Andersen, I…” Taking another step away, he shook his head. “I...I don’t know why I did that. Fuck. I’m...I’m so sorry.”

Mouth hanging open, Mae’s inebriated brain scrambled, but Haggard pointed over his shoulder with a thumb. “I’m...I’m just. I’ll… Stay at the inn. Tonight. Separately.” Voice businesslike and cold, he buttoned his jacket, feet pacing in reverse. “Leave at oh-seven-hundred. Um...yeah. Fuck…” Pinching the bridge of his nose, Haggard sighed. “I’m...I’m sorry…” 

Stunned, Mae watched as Haggard strode to the motel, flapping out his wrists and muttering a string of expletives. Procuring a key, Mae passed a sleepless night on the foreign bed of the A'Le'Inn. Part of her wanted to call Haggard, find his room, investigate further. 

But as Mae studied the popcorn ceiling, her brain whispered insecurities.  _ He was just drunk.  _ Mae told herself as the hours ticked on toward sunrise.  _ He doesn’t want you. Not really. Maybe enough to half grope after a few drinks, but… That’s it. _

Slamming the door behind him, Haggard ripped off his jacket, smacking his palms violently against his high forehead as he sat on the bed.  _ Stupid. Stupid! How could I be so fucking stupid?  _ After making the mistake of falling for his partner, ages of waiting, wanting, picturing how he might finally express his feelings to Mae, Haggard never once thought he would be the kind of guy to try a handsy unsolicited pass in public. The mere thought of making her uncomfortable left a hot, roiling guilt in his gut, and now, Haggard didn’t know what to do with himself as he shed his suit and climbed into bed.

The next morning, both exhausted and avoidant, Mae and Haggard endured an interminably quiet car ride back to headquarters, dragging their hungover carcasses in through the doors without a word. 

Mae checked her inbox, returning from a lunch she hoped would do something to soothe the continued heave of her stomach, to find a letter from Haggard. Inside he touchingly expressed his contrition, how he would do anything to take back what happened, and apologized profusely for his actions. Haggard also stated that if she wanted to request a new partner that he would understand, and should Mae wish to report him to the higher-ups, he would cooperate and accept all consequences.

Paper in hand, Mae knocked softly on the door of his adjacent office. Three quick strides and a sure turn of the handle. Mae wondered if those sounds would always speak Haggard to her mind, even if she didn’t know he resided within the gray walls. 

“Oh…” Tensing when he saw Mae waiting in the doorway, treasure of her emerald eyes buried in the carpet, Haggard swallowed. “Hey Andersen…”

“Hello Haggard, um...can we...can I come in?”

Haggard stepped back to admit her passage with a nod. “Of course.”

“So, I, um…” Threading his words through her fingers, Mae nearly gave herself a papercut in her nerves. “I just...I wanted to let you know we’re okay. It’s...it’s fine.”

Hands on his hips, Haggard’s head dropped with a sigh. “It’s really not, Andersen…”

“Well, I…” Mae wanted to tell him what happened was okay, that she wanted him, that she would’ve kissed him back forever if only she had a second more to realize what was happening. But it was clear to her in that moment Haggard wanted nothing more than for things to go back to their clear cut professional relationship. And so, Mae took a deep breath. “Well, I...I just want to forget about it. You were just drunk. You stopped. You apologized. We work well together. Let’s...let’s just not make it a big thing, okay?”

Nostrils flaring, Haggard gritted his teeth and bobbed his head. “Okay.” Voice soft, he crossed his arms. “Okay. Thank you, Andersen. I...I really appreciate that. I think...I think we work well together, too, and, um…” Haggard scratched below his nose, sapphire eyes looking to the ceiling as he inhaled. “I...I would hate it if I messed that up, so...thank you.”

“Of course.” Mae smiled, a warm rush of gratitude flooding Haggard’s slender frame as he couldn’t help but mirror her relief. “So...any assignments come in yet today?”  
“Nope, not yet.” Walking back around his desk with a grin, Haggard plopped down in his chair. “I’ll keep you posted though.”

“Please do, Hags. See you later.” Mae wiggled her fingers at him genially as she wafted back into the hall. 

“Will do, Andersen.”

And though they were perhaps a tad careful with each other over the next month, overly polite and lacking in their regular fun, carefree rhythm, Haggard and Mae eventually sank back into their old habits. But anytime they were unfortunate enough to hear  _ Life On Mars? _ in the background of their work, the two were rudely reminded of the night that plummeted an asteroid into the bedrock of their relationship. Were such a thing possible, both Haggard and Mae would sacrifice the opportunity of ever seeing a real extraterrestrial if it meant they could turn neuralyzers on one another and forget that unfortunate evening outside of the A’Le’Inn.

***

“Aw, damn it!” Mae exclaimed as a glop of peppers and steak slid out of her bun and down her blouse. “Fuck!”

Giggling, Haggard shook his head. “Surprise, surprise.” Haggard chomped into his bun, tucking the piece into his cheek as he spoke. “Like I always say, Andersen. If you don’t have food on your shirt, you should really apologize for misrepresenting yourself at this point.”

Lips pursed, Mae eyed him in annoyance as she smudged a wet napkin down her front. “Damn, I really got myself this time, too. It figures. I really like this--”

Phone buzzing in his pocket, Haggard lifted a finger. “Sorry, hang on.” Answering, he held the cell to his joined ear. “Agent Haggard. Yes, sir...yes…” Haggard retrieved his memo pad from his jacket and dashed off a few notes. “Of course, sir. Thank you. Will do. Goodbye.”

“Alright.” Replacing his phone in his pocket, Haggard nodded. “Guy near the strip. Possible sighting. They want us to go check it out.”

“Oh great.” Mae drawled sarcastically, bunching up the wrapping of her meal. “Another wacko. Hey…” Glancing down at her stained blouse, she frowned. “Can we stop by my place so I can change first?”

Standing, Haggard agreed. “Sure. It’s on the way. No problem.”

Haggard parked in front of Mae’s small unassuming house and she tilted her head. “Come on. You want to grab a water or something for the road? I’ll just change really quick and we can head out.”

“Sure, sounds good.” 

Haggard followed her inside, flush inching up his neck at the sight of Mae undoing her top button as she disappeared back toward her bedroom. “I won’t take long. Grab whatever you want out of the fridge.”

“Cool, thanks Andersen.” Retrieving a bottle of water, Haggard grinned as he looked around at Mae’s quaint interior. Though he’d been inside a handful of times before, her bookshelves overwhelmed with sci-fi and fantasy titles, the kitchen bursting with appliances he couldn’t begin to understand how to use, and the walls splashed with posters from any number of nerdy movie titles, never failed to amuse Haggard as he deposited himself on her couch to wait.

Partially buried under a magazine, Haggard spotted an open journal. He knew he shouldn’t, knew he invaded Mae’s privacy by extending his large hand to lift the spiraled notebook out of the pile. But the call of her neatly looped scrawl proved too tempting to resist, and as Haggard perused the page, his cobalt eyes widened.

_ You hear shouts _

_ I want whispers _

_ Soft words spoken against softer skin _

_ A giggle. A touch. _

_ Razors of unforgiving blue clear our path _

_ I want to balance on their edge _

_ Know openness beyond as I teeter in the glint _

_ Heel to toe I proceed, unsure _

_ Is the steel icy beneath? _

_ Or have the embers reached a volcanic intensity, _

_ Flaring sapphire and flashing challenge? _

_ Let me become dewdrops on the breeze  _

_ So I may cling to your pale skin  _

_ Even if nothingness awaits me seconds later _

_ Let me slice my hungry hands on your face _

_ Bleed over you unspoken miseries of year past _

_ As I occupy myself with your lips _

_ Their color inhabits seashells _

_ Smooth and hidden and folded _

_ A creation too elegant to be witnessed by all but the most curious explorer _

_ Lest they toss themselves into the ocean in search of further treasure _

_ But I do not desire gold _

_ No _

_ Fortune nor accolade would not appease _

_ Only you _

_ My bones float discontent _

_ Aching for your weight above _

_ Tall and strong and certain _

_ Break me  _

_ Gorge yourself on my marrow  _

_ Repair me with your essence _

_ Claim me _

_ Pin your badge to my breast _

_ Though I am _

_ Was _

_ Will be _

_ Yours _

_ Always _

_ Moniker burned on my heart and no need for declaration _

_ I am _

_ For you. _

Haggard read. Read again. Were the words not splayed before him in her own hand, he would not have believed them to have been written by Mae. Not merely because of their shocking revelation concerning himself, but because they were so...soft. So tender. 

In their partnership, Haggard learned many things about his beloved Mae. She could be crass. Cracking lewd jokes that would make even the most jaded man on the payroll blush. She could blow up, her trigger switch rivaling his own, rolling down the window and literally hanging halfway out of the car to scream at someone who cut them off, face red and finger upheld. She could be silly, shimmying and contorting her face behind a witness in an effort to make Haggard break, knowing all too well that he was an easy mark in that regard.

But this? How is it Mae’s heart contained words that could constrict his throat, sting his eyes, call for an evacuation to the air in his broad chest, and Haggard never noticed?

“What?!” Mae snatched the journal from him with such velocity the page tore, leaving Haggard with but a scrap between his lengthy fingers. “What are you doing? This...that’s private!”

“Oh, Anderson, I…” Mouth working open and closed in silence, Haggard shook his head, paper sliver fluttering to the floor as he held his palms aloft in appeal. “I’m sorry. I didn’t--”

Examining the poem, high tide hit the shores of Mae’s green gaze and her knuckles whitened around the diary. “Did...did you read this?”

“Yeah…” Haggard murmured gently, nodding. “I’m sorry. Is…” High note of uncertainty creeping into his voice, Haggard folded his bottom lip under. “Is it about me?”

Swallowing her grief, Mae opened the nearby desk drawer, dropping the journal unceremoniously within and slamming it shut. “You...you weren’t supposed to see that! Nobody…” Hands shaking at her sides, two rivulets trickled down her cheeks as Mae closed her eyes. “No one was supposed to read that. I…  _ Fuck! _ I never should’ve written that.  _ Fuck!” _ Swiping the moisture from her face, Mae looked to Haggard, emerald eyes pleading. “Can you just...just forget you ever read that? Just...I wish I never wrote it and we’ll...we’ll pretend this never happened, and…” Mae held up a trembling fist, clicking an invisible neuralyzer with her thumb, waterlogged voice desperate. “Please, Chris...”

“No.” Hand on his narrow hips, Haggard shook his head and Mae’s fingers covered the sob that threatened to flee her red lips. “I can’t.”

“Hags, please, I…” Flinging droplets as she shook her head, Mae took half a step forward, speech pouring out of her agonized form. “Just...I’m sorry. I never should’ve written it. And I’m sorry I feel these things. I’ll try to stop, I promise. Just...don’t...don’t stop being my friend, okay? Just, I’m sorry I wrote that. It was stupid and silly and I’m so sor--”

“Don’t!” Scratch of a shout booming through the room, Haggard held a fist before his pink lips, inhaling through wide nostrils. Lowering his arm as he let out a breath, Haggard shook his head. “Just stop it.” 

Mae froze. Cords of his neck working in torment and glassy gaze on the wall, Haggard shook his head. “Don’t you dare apologize to me for the most beautiful thing I’ve ever read, Mae.” Muscle in his jawline popping, Haggard’s square chin tucked down. “Not now. Not ever.”

Agog, Mae looked from Haggard back to the closed desk drawer. “You...you liked it?” Not trusting himself to speak in that moment, Haggard simply nodded. Mae squeezed her hands at her sides, swallowing as she studied the floor. “You like...me?” 

Arms crossed and still turned away from her, Haggard’s head bobbed too quickly. “Mmhmm…” 

Silence invaded the cramped room, Mae shifting her weight from foot to foot. “So, um…” Licking his lips, Haggard sniffed as he kept his focus on a hardly seen part of Mae’s ceiling. “Can I kiss you then?”

“You want to?” Mae asked, and Haggard swiped a finger quickly beneath his patrician nose, blinking rapidly.

“Yeah. That’s a big 10-4.”

A tiny smile decorated Mae’s features. “Yeah. Yeah, alright.”

“Okay.” Nodding feverishly as he approached, Haggard took her face in both of his large hands, lips fusing with an adhesive of joyful tears as he pushed her back into the wall and Mae draped her arms over his broad shoulders.

Haggard tore Mae’s crimson waves from her bun, pins scattering to the floor as she ineffectually tried to push the coat from his swarming arms. Stumbling around the corner into the hallway, Mae obscured the precise part in Haggard’s silky brunette tresses with hungry fingers as he grabbed a handful of her ass. Haggard’s narrow pelvis smacked her back with such force three hanging pictures leapt to their demise, frames shattering at their feet.

“Oh shit.” Leaving her mouth with a puckering noise, Haggard looked at the broken glass. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to--”

“It’s fine.” Mae dragged his sharp jaw back to her face, latching on to Haggard’s supple pink lips before they crunched toward her bedroom. “Wait.” Pausing before they crossed the threshold, Mae peered over Haggard to the front door. “What about the assignment?”

“Fuck it.” Sizable hands claiming her waist, the unforgiving blue daggers of Haggard's eyes drove her back toward the mattress with a smirk. “I don’t give a damn if it’s fucking  _ Independence Day _ out there. I’m not leaving.”

Mae chuckled as the backs of her knees hit the bed and they tumbled in together. Legs open beneath him, Haggard’s slender frame locked perfectly between Mae’s thighs, turgid erection shockingly evident through his slacks as he ground down. 

Fingers curling into the collar of Mae’s blouse, Haggard broke away, nostrils wide and mouth set. “Tell me you want me to fuck you.”

“Yes.” Mae swallowed, polishing a cheekbone she ached after for ages. “Fuck me, Chris. Now.”

“Thank goodness.” Tearing Mae’s blouse with a singular swift motion, buttons flew and Haggard grinned, wide palm massaging her breast over the black bra. “I’ve wanted you for so long, Mae…” Haggard dipped down, lacing their lips together as he snuck beneath the lace cup, pillowy warmth of Mae’s skin inviting and smiling against her mouth when Mae’s nipple hardened beneath his touch. “Fuck...I don’t want to wait anymore.”

Nodding and causing both of their heads to bob, Mae loosened his blue patterned tie. “Me neither. I need you now.” 

Haggard stood, hurriedly casting off his jacket, Mae sitting up to do the same when he started unbuttoning his white short sleeve shirt. “Fuck Mae, I…” Breath shallow, Haggard exposed his broad chest and smattering of fluffy dark hair before fumbling with his belt. “I just...just…”

Freeing herself of the tattered blouse, Mae kicked off her shoes and began inching off her slacks before she scanned Haggard’s face, all severe angles forged by need and surrounding two blue glints of barely contained desire. “Just what, Chris?”

Haggard toed off his oxfords, dropping his pants to reveal the long, thick curve of his erection straining persistently beneath his blue boxers. Large hand running up his length, Haggard’s voice became the gravel under spinning tires as he advanced. “I just wanna fucking tear you apart.”

Unsnapping her bra and flinging it away as though she were dropping the flag on a race, Mae never left Haggard’s drilling blue stare as she nodded. “Come on.”

Haggard dove, the settling of his weight above her a balm to Mae’s beseeching joints as she encased him in her limbs and they wrestled on the sheets. 

For a few minutes, blinded by the luminosity of their lust and mouths unable to be quenched, Haggard and Mae did no more than roll around together, twisting tongues speaking an eon of words unsaid as ravenous fingers sought the braille of reassurance over one another’s heated skin.

Mae emitted a singular note of ardor, sounding into Haggard’s consciousness and cutting through the haze. Shifting onto her hip, his big hand flowed down the center of her body, caressing an ample breast along the way, before he tickled at the waistband of her panties. “Can I touch you?”

“Yes.” Mae nodded enthusiastically, combing back Haggard’s brown locks. “Anything. Please.”

Haggard grinned and started to move down, but stopped once he reached the crest. Mewling in disappointment, Mae lifted her hips and Haggard shook his head. “Sorry, just…” Hooking under the fabric of her panties, Haggard sat up. “I want to see.”

Peeling them down Mae’s voluptuous hips, Haggard unconsciously licked his lips. “Mmm...damn, Mae…” Haggard kneaded her calve, dark blue eyes unblinking in his appetite. “I’m gonna need to eat your pussy.”

Mae chuckled, sitting up to brush her fingers down his carved forearm. “Well, I won’t say ‘no’ to that.”

As with most of his endeavors, Haggard started with a plan. Supple lips trailing up the insides of Mae’s ivory thighs, lengthy fingers painting over her pussy with a feather touch, never opening, merely coaxing until he replaced them with his mouth. Tracing kisses down her slit with a contented hum, the buzz through to her imploring clit delectable, Mae rocked herself toward Haggard’s handsome, eager face with a sigh. Haggard spread her open with two fingers, tongue long and flat as he painted a wide swath from bottom to top.

And again, as with the majority of Haggard’s plans, things fell apart early as her flavor registered in his brain and a fresh surge radiated through his thick cock. “Oh fuck…” Huge hands clamping over her hips, Haggard slathered another lick downward, hitting every nook, every crevice, burying his sharp jaw in Mae’s drenched pussy as he groaned before emerging, face shining and eyes drunk with lust. “Fuck, Mae...you taste so damn good.”

The bow of his crisp jaw crashed into her once more, oar of his tongue rowing double time as Mae rode the waves of elation, hopelessly clinging to Haggard’s brunette tendrils, lest she get tossed overboard in her thrashing. “ _ Oh fuck! Chris, yes! Fuck! So good! Don’t stop!” _

Lapping vigorously at her swollen clit, Haggard emitted tiny noises of restraint into Mae’s tender flesh as he humped the mattress, the slightest friction glorious on his begging cock as he inserted two long fingers into her moist depths.

“ _ Oh Chris! Chris! Fuck! Yes! Right there!” _ Haggard tamped into her cluster of nerves and Mae’s thighs fused to his head as though she were the new government-issued earpiece required to wear in the field. Heels skipping over his broad back, Mae folded forward in breathless, shaking silence. “ _ Chris!”  _ Springing back, Mae’s eyes rolled, body jerking uncontrollably as heat pulsated from between her legs over her pale flesh.

“C’mon…” Insatiable tongue whipping a circuit over his shimmering pink lips, Haggard nodded up at Mae’s weary form. “Sit on my face, Mae. Now.”

“Oh, alright. If you want me t-- _ Oh _ !” Haggard slithered a hand beneath Mae, rolling onto his back. Strong arms coiled around her waist, holding her firm against his sturdy jaw as Haggard’s pink lips encapsulated her engorged clit and sucked with fervor.

“ _ Oh fuck! Chris, that’s...fuck! FUCK!”  _ Mae’s fingers scrambled for the headboard, pelvis frenetically rutting over Haggard’s chiseled features. Voracity unbound, Haggard used the gravity to his advantage, inhaling furiously and penetrating Mae with three thick digits until she shamelessly bounced on his face and hand, shouting in search of her next orgasm.

“ _ Fuck! FUCK! Chris, yes! You’re gonna make me cum so hard! Fuck! You’re so damn good! Don’t stop! Fuck! Yes! YES!” _ Enclosing his head and practically in the fetal position, Mae humped with abandon and convulsed as she screamed, dripping over Haggard’s square chin. 

A wide palm cracking over her ass zapped her alert as Haggard resumed his efforts, his hips thrusting wildly skyward at nothing while his tongue flicked. Mae glanced down to find a familiar expression waiting between her legs.

Nine out of ten times when Mae and Haggard were sent out on a call, the crazies couldn’t wait to divulge every iota of their so-called encounters. But once in a while, their paranoia against the government won out, and the Agents faced down against skittish reticence.

And in those instances, Mae would challenge any member of the force to crack a nut better than Chris Haggard. Unfurling to his full height, Haggard would become the Agent who occupied their nightmares. Voice deep, deadly, and issuing through the unforgiving bars of his rounded teeth, his carved face would swim in, ruthless, shark-like. One time Mae witnessed the bestial transformation from next to a young sandy haired man on a mohair couch, and that same visage lay beneath her now, consuming rapaciously.

A hurricane whorled in the unrepentant blue depths of Haggard’s eyes as he glared up at her with a determination so pointed, so adamant, that did Mae not know better, she would’ve thought it malicious as the lightning strikes of his huge hand continued over her round ass; again, and again, and again, groans of approval winding up from beneath as he used the tip of his artful nose to tickle her into a deluge.

“ _ Fuck! Chris! Yes! I’m cumming! Fuck! FUCK!” _ Throat raw and thighs quaking, Mae pried her fingers off the headboard, releasing her iron grasp on Haggard’s dark hair as she commanded oxygen into her lungs. “ _ Fuck...fuck _ …” Collapsing to the side with a trembling hand to her chest, Mae shook her head. “Fuck, Hags...so damn good…”

Wiping off his face, Haggard chuckled breathlessly. “Thanks, Andersen.” Haggard shuffled out of his boxers, cock purple and dewy with anticipation as he scooted next to Mae on the mattress, clearing the sweaty strands of red from her face. “Mmm…” Touching a kiss below her ear, Haggard’s mouth peppered toward her lips with a jovial hum. “I wanna fuck you so badly, Mae.”

“Me too.” Mae pulled at his vast shoulder, slipping herself beneath Haggard. “Come on.”

“Wait.” Looking around, Haggard arched a dark eyebrow. “Condom?”

Shaking her head, Mae shifted and drew up her knees. “I’m on the pill, it's fine.” Mae threaded her fingers through Haggard’s silky brunette tresses with a smile. “I just want to feel you inside of me.”

“Oh fuck…” A shiver lit over Haggard’s pale skin as he took himself in hand, swiping the wide head of his cock through the sopping folds of Mae’s pussy. “Okay. You ready, Mae?”

Mae locked into his eyes, anchored in their oceanic wonder as she draped her arms over Haggard’s shoulders with a nod. “Yeah. I’m ready.”

Haggard caught Mae’s lips as he tilted forward, leaving her almost instantly as he gasped, eyes clenched and mouth dropped at the exquisite tight heat. “Oh Mae...fuck... _ fuck… _ ” 

“Oh fuck, Chris…” Squeezing his narrow hips as Haggard sheathed himself to the hilt, Mae’s fingers dug into his pasty skin at the enthralling stretch of his massive cock. “ _ Fuck!  _ You’re so big…”

“Fuck, Mae you feel so damn good…” Haggard retracted, tug of Mae’s pussy around the thin skin of his cock intoxicating before he bore inside with vehemence. “Fuck...I’ve wanted you for so long, Mae.” 

Fingers slipping between them, Haggard blindly found Mae’s clit as though they already spent a lifetime exploring one another, while at the same time every whisper, every touch held a novel excitement that electrified their joined bodies as they developed a rhapsodic cadence.

“Oh fuck...Mae...I...I…” Mattress squeaking and headboard smacking, Haggard threw his tall body forward, words simmering in his mind, his heart, and threatening to burn his tongue if he didn’t grant them passage.  _ “I love fucking your pussy so damn much!” _ Haggard chided himself for cowardice as Mae flickered around his cock and he hastened his pace, barreling forward with wanton vigor.

“ _ Fuck! Yes, Chris! I love the way you fuck me! Don’t stop! Please! Fuck!”  _ Moaning into his open mouth, Mae closed her eyes, afraid of what she might say if the beautiful face of the man she adored hovered above her in contorting bliss for a moment too long. “ _ Fuck! I love your cock! Yes! Fuck me!” _

Balancing their foreheads together with a fistful of her auburn hair, Haggard began pounding his thick cock into Mae with reckless ferocity. “ _ Like this? Huh? You like it when I fuck you hard, Mae? Huh? Huh?” _

“ _ Oh fuck, Chris! Yes!”  _ One foot propelling herself up and down on the mattress, Mae’s other leg looped around Haggard’s pummeling hips, encouraging him impossibly deeper as she constricted with a wail. “ _ Fuck! Fuck, you make me cum so hard! Fuck! I love it! Keep going!” _

Fissures appeared in the stone of Haggard’s voice as he tucked his face into Mae’s neck, breath hot and urgent as he hammered her into the mattress. “ _ Never! I’ll never stop! Oh Mae! Mae, yes! Fuck! Fuck! I...I love it! I love fucking you! Fuck, Mae! Fuck!” _

Smothering her shrieks against his pink lips, Mae embraced Haggard’s rapidly thrusting form, hopeless to stop the quivering of her curvaceous body as she squeezed around his slamming cock. “ _ Fuck! Chris, I...I… _ ” Face scrunched and whispering, Mae knew with him inches away no escape was left to her, but she couldn’t stop herself from saying the truth. “ _ I love you! Fuck! Yes!” _

“ _ I love you, Mae!” _ Powerful arms scooping her close, Haggard spoke the words to her hair, her cheek, her mouth in between high, vulnerable whimpers that threatened to shatter him open, the pearls of his soul laid bare for Mae to collect. “ _ I fucking love you. Fuck! FUCK!” _ Body flexing in silence, Haggard clutched Mae to himself with a grip that bordered on violence before a whining shudder accompanied his jumping hips, hot cum throbbing into Mae’s fluttering pussy before he went limp.

Both flew amongst the stars for a moment, adrift on the glittering afterglow of their passion as Mae rocked their sweaty bodies back and forth. Haggard touched a constellation of kisses over the moonlight of Mae’s skin, her amused chuckle the melody of the heavens as he rolled over, splaying the bounty of her celestial being over himself as they floated back down to earth.

Mae perched her cheek on the summit of Haggard’s mountainous shoulder, fingers prancing through the field of his dark chest hair and not bothering to control the boundless smile on her face as their sweat dried. “Hey, so…” Nuzzling against his cheek, Mae rubbed his little belly admiringly. “I’ve always wanted to ask you something.”

“Oh yeah?” Haggard’s hand cascaded over the curve of her body, turning into Mae and murmuring into the close bubble they shared. “What’s that, Mae?”

“Do you believe?” Mae smirked, shrugging and gesturing to the night sky visible outside of her window. “You know, in any of this stuff?”

“Well…” Sighing, Haggard’s firm arms lassoed her near, corners of his mouth downturned in consideration. “If there are aliens up there. And they do come. I guess…” Haggard’s head bobbed thoughtfully, prominent brows knit and pink lips pouted. “I just hope they beam us up together, Mae. After everything, I’m not letting you go anytime soon.”

Grinning, Mae cupped his sharp jaw, meeting Haggard’s mouth for a kiss. “Agreed. Now that we’ve had first contact, I’m not giving you up that easily.” 

Haggard giggled, snuggling them down onto the mattress and huddling into Mae’s warmth with a wide smile. “Good.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read! If you enjoyed this story, please leave a comment or come say hi on tumblr at fandomtransmandom. I also accept requests!


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